it has been 5 years and 2 months since i became a doc.. :)
throughout these years, i’ve learned a lot..
the most valuable experience that i’ve gained in my medical career so far is: what life means to me..
we know that a doctor’s job is to save lives..
but, there is something in life which most of us have not realized, or have forgotten: the meaning of love in life..
to me, life is so wonderful..
when you see a mother giving birth.. that is the moment you will realize how strong a mother is.. how much she has suffered during labor, both physically and emotionally.. but when she looks at her newborn baby, she smiles.. and this marks the beginning of a mother’s love.. (ya, mama i love you so much..)
to me, life is like magic..
when you see a very sick patient who progressively getting better.. and then the family members start smiling and slowly overcome their tension.. that is the moment you will realize how important a person is to his/her other family members..
to me, life is a miracle..
when you see a bed ridden patient gradually can stand up and walk, and sometimes you can’t explain it with your scientific knowledge.. that is the moment you will realize the power of the Creator of Life..
but sometimes, to me, life is so fragile..
it is so fragile that you can’t predict what is going to happen next.. that is the moment you will realize how weak a human being is.. and this marks the beginning of regret in your life..
here are some stories that i would like to share with you..
there was an Indonesian couple.. they were just married and they loved each other very much.. but due to financial problems, just 2 months after their marriage they had decided to come to Kuching to secure a better life and worked together in a factory..
one evening, they went out for dinner.. after their dinner, both of them walked out together from the restaurant, husband was holding the wife’s hand when they crossed the road.. suddenly a car came and hit on them.. both of them lost their consciousness on the spot..
in the A&E, husband regained consciousness, and he was put on a medical couch in the yellow zone.. he sustained right lower limb fracture.. and he couldn’t sit up due to the pain..
on the other side, the wife remained in coma and was resuscitated in the A&E red zone.. she sustained polytrauma with severe head injury.. unfortunately she passed away about an hour later..
the husband did not know about the severity of her condition.. and he was still waiting for her in the yellow zone.. he hoped that he could see her shortly.. but he had never thought of that she had actually left him forever..
in fact, we were in a difficult situation to break the bad news to him.. we were not sure if he was emotionally stable to receive the news.. and there were no other relatives around..
after discussion, finally we decided to break the news to him.. before we sent her out to the mortuary, we pushed her with the medical couch to the yellow zone.. when her couch reached him.. then happened a scene which i could never forget until now: he tried his best to sit up (which he failed to) and reached out his hand to his wife.. finally he got her hand.. but, a cold hand.. and he cried..
just imagine, one hour ago, you were holding the hand of your loved one after a dinner and she was still smiling at you, but one hour later you are holding a cold hand of your loved one with no response at all to you.. how would you feel..?
another day in the busy A&E red zone..
the paramedic team was pushing in a patient on a medical couch.. there was blood all over his body.. and part of his clothes was torn..
at the same time, there was another anxious looking man rushing into the red zone, and claimed that he was the brother of the patient.. but the paramedic staff had stopped him and kept him outside the red zone, because the emergency doctors were resuscitating the patient..
just a few minutes later, the patient became asystolic (heart stopped beating), the doctors and the paramedic staff tried their best to save his life and performed CPR (cardiopulmonary resuscitation).. however, he was not successfully revived.. and death pronounced..
we called in the brother again, when he knew that his brother had passed away.. he cried loudly..
it seemed like the patient must be such an important person to him.. we tried to calm him down.. later he told us about this: the relationship between both of them was very closed since childhood.. but on that night they had an argument, both of them couldn’t take each other’s opinion and couldn’t tolerate each other.. because of anger, he lost his temper and chased his brother out from the house..
“berambus kau..” he said..
the patient was very pissed off.. he rushed out from the house and took his motorbike.. when he just rode out from the gate, suddenly came a lorry and..
now he regrets so much about the argument, and he regrets so much on the last statement that came out from his mouth.. but, everything is too late now..
just imagine, one second ago, you were arguing with someone closed to you.. but one second later, you lose your chance to talk to him forever for the rest of your life.. how would you feel..?
it was 3.30 am in the morning..
i went to the HDU (High Dependency Unit) to review a patient whom i just did an emergency operation for him.. he was a 19 years old boy, alleged in an accident after drinking alcohol with his friends..
i saw a very tired looking lady just outside the HDU – the mother.. and she came to me..
“doktor, anak saya macam mana?”
“baru saja habis pembedahan, sekarang masih tak stabil lagi.. masih perlukan rawatan dan pemerhatian rapi..”
“doktor, tolong anak saya doktor.. dia anak yang baik..” she cried..
he sustained severe head injury, if he survived, likely he will be in the vegetative state.. but in that situation, it was really hard for me to tell her the truth.. i worried that she may not be able to accept the fact at that moment..
“makcik, saya akan buat yang terbaik untuk dia.. makcik pergi rehat dulu ya.. nanti ada apa-apa saya akan beritahu makcik..”
further conversations with the other family members, i found out this: his father passed away when he was still young.. he stopped going to school after form 3 due to disciplinary problems.. since then he started smoking and drinking alcohol with his friends from the same kampung.. he did not find any job.. he asked money from the mother for cigarettes.. mother works as a house maid and has another 2 younger daughters to take care of.. if the mother couldn’t give him enough money, he would start scolding the mother..
“ini hukuman daripada Tuhan..” some of my nurses said so..
but to me, i was surprised with the mother’s love to her son.. as she said “dia anak yang baik..”
why did she say so..?? because she felt guilty that she couldn’t give him a good life..
“makcik yang salah.. makcik tak mampu bagi dia hidup yang baik..”
just imagine, no matter what are you going to be, you are still a good child in your parents eyes.. do you still want to hurt your parents feelings..??
so, what life means to me..?
life is just too short for us to waste..
life is just too fragile for us to break..
and, life is not just merely the opposite of death..
because you can’t do much on a dead body, but you can easily hurt the feelings of a living person..
put life in a humble way, and let go your ego..
share your love with others and make their life more beautiful..
appreciate the love given to you and make your life more meaningful..
always be thankful on what you are having now in your life..
and don’t feel hesitate to say thank you to your parents because they give you life.. :)
if i have the chance to love someone, i will love her with my heart.. and will never break her heart..
and, if there is someone who loves me, i will appreciate her love with my heart.. and return my love to her infinitely..
how about you..?